Pinks and Pastels...

This is a sample post

2005-07-26T11:39:00.000+08:00

This is a sample post. Please do not remove my credits.. Do not alter the images. Do not in anyway redistribute this and claim it as your own. Pls notify my if you use this. I really really would appreciate that. Thank you! Take Care! Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah

Im Moving!

2005-07-16T02:37:00.000+08:00

I will be moving na.. Finally, I am hosted!! yey!!! I have my own site!!! anyway, thanks to Ate Rad of pink-misfit.net for hosting me...and thanks din for her patience and all...

pls visit my new site here: Pinks and Pastels

let me just warn you that i am not yet done with that.. but at least the blog is up.. pls do take time to drop by...

i decided to keep this one open because it has been my blog for 2 years and it's sooo hard to let go.. but i won't be updating it anymore..

im using wordpress now btw.. hehe.. take care y'all!!

Revolution

2005-07-11T16:53:00.000+08:00

I am going to attend the Victory Weekend this week.. I'm excited and at the same time scared.. i dont know what will happen eh.. pero im keeping my Hopes high because i trust that God placed me where I am for a reason..

God has also recently given me a test.. I don't wanna talk about it now pero it is a test i am willing to go through and His grace is the only thing sustaining me through this test right now..

---

anyway, jays' asked me about the dorm situation that i placed in my YM status for quite sometime now.. so here are the details:

we are filing a formal complaint against the management of our dormitory.. matagal na naming complain ang legality ng kanilang mga actions pero wala pa ring nangyayari..

kasi ganito yun. our dorm manager and houseparent are charging illegal and impossible fees and fines.. ang dami nilang lahat.. to name a few there are the storage fee, key fine, newspaper rental fee, study permit fee, appliances fee at kung anu-ano pa. ok lang sana kaso when we ask them to let us see the financial statements wala silang binibigay.. and oh, to make things worse the receipts that they issue to us are not officially from UP.. and rules have it that no UP employee should collect cash without issuing the official UP receipt.. what they give us ay yung mga receipt na nabibili sa bangketa.. yung receipt naman for the internet fee may UP logo nga, hindi naman galing sa UP.. copyright laws have it that it is in fact illegal to publish/print materials with UP logos/trademarks without written consent..

diba nakakainis sila? hindi lang yan, lahat ng mga dorm services ay pinagkakakitaan nila.. dapat sana yung mga services na galing sa private companies should undergo the legal government process of bidding pero yung provider ng laundry and water namin hindi dumaan dun.. worse, may porsyento si maam sa bawat sales that these companies make to us.. nakakagalit talaga...

pero i am assured that someday mabibigyan din ng linaw lahat ng toh.. actually i commend our Vice chancellor for student affairs for listening to us and for guiding us in our fight for justice... update ko na lang kung may nangyari na..

P.S.

Ry, i don't know if you are going to read this pero uhmm i am sorry you had to go through all the things im going through din and i am glad that despite all of the things said and done, you continue to shower me with unfaltering love and care that i really really need during this times.. thanks for being soo amazing sweetie.. i love you..

-------
on the lighter side naman, wala lang may binili akong bagong toy.. hehe.. he's just sooo kawaii.. character sya sa Dragon Ball Z!! guess who?? hehe.. eto o:

All We Need is Love

2005-07-07T19:28:00.000+08:00

It's just sooo sad that I come across so many angry and depressed people these days.. All of them are whining, ranting and complaining about one thing: their non-existent love life.. I always hear them talk about finding the perfect soul that would complete them; the person that would fill their every need and the person that would give them a fairy tale romance that they could boast about everyday to just anybody who's willing to listen. What's sadder is that when they don't find that person the moment they feel they need them, they suddenly turn into a bunch of cynical, angry women who think that guys and romance are the only things that would make them happy... They're soooo wrong...

I can't believe they waste soooo much time thinking about those things when this whole world needs sooo much love.. And love comes in different forms by the way not just the "romantic" kind. You ccould devote soo much of your time doing more important things than just cry about something that's actually worth nothing. I don't mean to offend those who got their heart broken. I just can't stand hearing people complain sooo much about their non-existent lovelife.. How could you complain over something that doesn't even exist in the first place? It's such a waste of time..

take a look at my professors.. there are a bunch of them who are still single.. and i know it is not proper for them to be seen or heard complaining about being love less but that's not the reason why they are not (i have talked to them).. they devote their time molding and developing their students to become "real" economists for this nation's sake and i salute them for that. they offer sooo much love, dedication and devotion.. one of them even told me that the reason why she is soo passionate about the things that she does is because she is "inlove" not with someone but with a whole bunch of people, the filipino nation...

(shempre it led na naman to one of my nationalistic talks.. hehe...)

Romantic love comes when it is due.. and based on what I've experienced, it is when i realized that i don't need it that it finally came.. A relationship is not composed of two half-filled people trying to complete each other. Rather, it is a union of two whole individuals who find happiness with each other even if both of them are already happy on their own.. What we need is someone that would compliment us, not someone who'd complete us.. I just don't think that we could love without learning to love ourselves first.. but then again these are just my thoughts.. and I am happy..

I thank my twin soul.. for perfectly blending with me.. :)

---
i did some editing.. i have no problems with people complaining about their "existing" lovelife.. It's those that don't have one. the thing is, romantic love is not the only kind of love existent in this world. there's love for nation, for other people, for learning.. you could devote time for that rather than cry over nothing and mourn over your "current state.." it really really makes me sad... sure we can question is once in a while but don't focus all your energy into it.. who knows it's already there but because we complain sooooo much, we don't see it.. yun lang yun..

New Layout!

2005-07-05T18:25:00.000+08:00

i have a new layout again.. finally natapos ko na sya and this time i made everything na.. well except for the top image that i got from the same site where Ashley got the image of my previous layout... i did the coding and installed din most of the scripts.. yey!!!

first of all, i'd like to thank lulu for giving me the idea of the color combination.. lol! dalawang kulay lang diba?? pero that's like our trend together.. most of our gadgets are in the silver/gray and pink combination.. diba maganda naman? at least it's not tooo flashy.. and it kinda reflects my serious side.. (and oh yes meron po nun!) lol!

thank you din pala kay rhea for thinking of titles for me and for agreeing on the song.. and for patiently trying to listen to me sing it.. (it's hard to sing because it has African beats and vocals..)

anyway, this layout is called "Return to Innocence".... in case ur wondering why, uhmm refer to this song by Enigma:

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence
Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion
Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion

Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence

Don't care what people say
Follow just your own way
Follow just your own way
Don't give up, don't give up
To return, to return to innocence.

If you want then laughI
f you must then cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny.

it's a simple song actually but the rhetorics struck me... look at the kid in my top image, isn't she a picture of real innocence?? the problem kasi these days is that the faculty of wonder/awe is lost.. and i wanna go back to that.. it's kinda hard to explain pero that's how it goes.. hehe.. sorry mejo pagod nako eh.. hehe.. ill further explain this maybe some other time.. hehe..

Toy Con Cosplay Pics

2005-07-03T04:59:00.000+08:00

sorry it took me long to post pics from the Toy Con.. the one im posting here are my favorite pics that i got from this album Toy Con '05 Pics.. so anyway here are the pics.. im sorry for the uneveness of the sizes.. i had to crop most of the pics so that it'll fit.. im soo tamad to make them thumbnails eh.. so here they are...

Group Pics

FADE minus Ashley because she got sick

eyecatching..

individual

Bleach Character

2005-07-03T04:43:00.000+08:00

Take The quiz yourself

oh boy so im really her.. hehe.. this anime rocks! u just cant get enough of this.. i want a copy! T_T pag ako nagkapera bibilhin ko talaga buong series nito!! waaa!

Walking with God

2005-07-02T15:18:00.000+08:00

i seldom seldom stumble upon a site dedicated to God and devoted into bringing inspiration into people's lives so as a Christian and because i love Jesus so much i'd like to promote this site:

it contains a collection of inspiring subdomains that discuss on things that people tend to forget these days but are really inspiring, enriching and fulfilling.. check out her discussion about the WWJD bracelet and contribute to her Five People You Meet in Heaven domain.. it's awesome.. and i do recommend that you read the book by Mitch Albom..

In this life we often think that we serve no purpose.. but we do..we have a purpose and it is only by submitting and surrendering yourself to that Lord that we will finally see that.. but im not imposing the Christian Faith on anyone..

but to those who feel empty and lost, just pray and i tell you everything will work out just fine..

God Bless y'all! and may we all grow in Christ..

ja ne!

--P.S. i wanna learn how to play drums so that during worship services i can rock for God! i do know how to sing so i wanna try the drums.. if anyone can offer me free lessons.. ill be glad.. hehe.. doumo arigatou gozaimasu!

hello kitty things

2005-07-01T14:56:00.000+08:00

ok i just wanna show my kitty music players.. they're sooo kawaii!! i got them from Kittyworld

here they are:

oh diba cute?? waaa!! we have to submit our RRL na!! omg! im soooo dead!

ja ne!

i love ate kitty!!

2005-07-01T11:12:00.000+08:00

waaa!! sobrang saya ko.. ate kitty gave me a very cute button/banner!! eto o:

diba hang cute?? with all my fave colors in it.. check out her site Kitty for great pixels!! by the way if this link wont work (since blogger sometimes is plain stupid) check my affies corner and see her link there.. hehe..

kagagaling ko lang sa QC RTC kanina.. we were supposed to observe a trial kaso di natutuloy mga hearing kasi may mga kulang-kulang na documents. wala lang.. it feels different to be in an actual court.. pero sobrang "sucky" talaga ng legal system here. the case we read kanina was filed in 1992 pa pero 2005 na nasa motions pa rin sila! my gulay.. the legal system is such a slowpoke i doubt there ever is real justice.. hahay..

anyway, tapusin ko muna RRL ng thesis namin. im taking too much time off..

ja ne!

yey!!!

2005-06-30T15:01:00.000+08:00

btw, i got two new awards.. i'm not bragging i just want to thank the two people who gave 'em to me: Euri and Catherine Elise.. the links to their respective sites are in the sidebar.. sorry i had to reduce the original sizes of the awards.. my sidebar is kinda small kasi so i had to make it fit.. otherwise, it'll look sabog and all.. anyway, here are the original awards.. hehe..

and oh, kagagaling ko lang sa isang hotel to see my Dad.. astig! had a great time and i ate chicharon bulaklak and garlic rice and had spaghetti after! takaw noh?? hehe.. ganyan talaga! in fairness, i did not eat the whole day naman..

anyway, kakahiya kanina sa jap class ko.. may sakit kasi ako - hormonal imbalance. kaya everytime na may period ako i have to use diapers. kanina sobrang lakas nya na parang im urinating.. *sorry sobrang kadiri* kaya ayun tinagusan ko yung chair ko pati wall behind me. sobrang lakas talaga.. hahay.. sana maging ok na ako. di na naman ako nahihilo pero i dont feel very good either.. sige eto na muna.. gagawa pako thesis eh.. hehe.. ja ne!

i was born for this.. i guess...

2005-06-29T01:33:00.000+08:00

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.
An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.
You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view.
A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.

You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

lamentations...

2005-06-29T00:27:00.000+08:00

i loathe Gloria for lying and for making a fool out of the whole Filipino nation.. i hate her for trying to make up for it by giving false promises and empty statements. i hate her for trying to get sympathy from the people she swore to serve but betrayed right from the start.. i despise her further for being an "economist" and for graduating with honors and yet failing to recognize the "real factors" behind the country's demand and supply both in the aggregate and household level.. and i could never forgive her for asking for forgiveness without any air of sincerity and for using the Filipino people in her "evil" schemes and political aspirations and for money...

--
i am currently writing a letter for animax... it is a relief that they have granted our partnership request and right now we're just doing some "formalities" regarding the "deal"... even if it means hardowrk, i love working for the magazine.. it gives me a sense of responsibility and accomplishment and plus, it is something about the one thing i love the most, ANIME!

--
i feel sorry for couples who are in the entertainment business.. i mean what's up? they do have a responsiblity to the public but that doesn't mean we can just pry into their lives and tell them how exactly they should live and who they should live with. after all, even before they extract our money there is already equivalent trade since we are provided "services".. so i just think that outside and away from the camera we should just let them be..

--
still writing the letter.. damn it! i can't think when im too tired. law and finance are both super exhausting.. it involves a lot of brain work.. and i had classes on both subjects today. maybe i'm not just built to accommodate this much thinking but oh well, im here...

--
in this country, it is not actually a battle between the rich ang the poor.. in ther first place the poor never fought/fights back.. they did once (read: EDSA 3) but then they were branded barbarians, animals and violent people by the cruel middle class (who in truth just wants to alleviate their position in the society but to no avail) and well those in the upper.. going back, the battle is between the rich, the other rich and in some degree the middle class.. and the poor are the victims, tossed around like a basketball.. dumped wherever convenient.. so what of democracy?

--
almost 1am.. still no inspiration.. gawd! im soo dead.. i gotta get back to working..

ja ne!

whew naayos din...

2005-06-28T10:57:00.000+08:00

sa mga dumalaw po dito hours ago pasensya na kung madaming errors yung blog.. meron kasing broken script na hindi ko naayos eh.. pero ayan po maayos na sya.. yey!! half-asleep kasi ako nung ini-edit ko toh eh.. wakeke.. pero whaddaheck here it is.. hehe.. salamat po pala sa mga taong laging nagkikeep-in-touch despite their super busy schedules.. kakamiss talaga mag-blog.. hehe.. take care all of you!

Otakuzine Anime Magazine

2005-06-28T00:54:00.000+08:00

i just wanna promote something. Finally after months of waiting, Otakuzine Magazine, the newest anime magazine in the Philippines is properly out.. Yes you got it, you can now buy Ozine in all National Bookstore Outlets in Metro Manila.. It features 64 full-color pages Anime Reviews/Previews, Manga/Game Feature, Cosplayers Spotlight and our very own original manga.. for more details visit our official website Otakuzine-mag.com.. and oh, here's the cover of the mag just in case you wanna see:

diba hang ganda?? hehe.. why am i telling you all of this you might ask? uhmm i happen to be one of the copy editors of the magazine and i love working there! hehe... well most part of it.. ry also writes for the mag.. wakeke. anyway, if you really wanna know more, drop by our online forum Otakuzine Forum..

and oh, here are pics of the staff taken during the toycon (sayang kulang nga lang kami):

kilala nyo ako jan?? wakekeke

thanks ashley!

2005-06-28T00:40:00.000+08:00

im currently making a layout of my own again.. and since im in no rush i decided to download another premade layout for the mean time.. i've been through a lot of graphic sites but no premade layout has captured my attention the way this one did.. i wanna thank Ashley of Timeless-Reverie.com for coming up with such a creative, very intricate and artistic layout that i just love so much.. i know there aint much pink but i love the layout sooo much that i decided to still use this one.. seriously, my blog's about colors after all.. oh, check out her site for more cool blogger layouts...

btw, miss ry again.. i just can't stand not being with him this long.. and oh, i'd like to say thanks to Adrian for treating us to pizza the other day and for paying for my bus fare.. makakabawi din ako sayo! promise.. even if you wont get to read this.. nyahahaha!! lolz! i will be posting pics from the toycon later.. kasi naman antok nako! wakeke..

sexy thingy

2005-06-18T09:17:00.000+08:00

What Makes You Sexy? by eva71
Name/NickName
Gender
Sexy Body Part Is	Your Boobs
Special Talents Are	Kissing

Quiz created with MemeGen!

ang yabang ko pero ry does have the same opinion.. and oh, janis is my real name!

Pichur Pichur!

2005-06-16T03:51:00.000+08:00

la lang trip ko lang.. here's the pic of my sweetie and his brother:

eto naman solo ng sweetie ko (kunwari camera shy..hehe):

and we were chatting kanina so i captured some images:

i love my sweetie soooo much.. sorry namiss ko lang talaga sya.. sooo kawaii ne??

business law

2005-06-14T23:05:00.000+08:00

define business.. that was our first agenda in my business law class kanina.. pretty easy question huh?? and i was expecting that everyone would be competing to give an answer first but to my dismay (and later on, fright) the class fell absolutely silently.. no one dared to look sir straight in the eye and no one even made their uneasiness knows for the fear that sir might actually notice and call them out..

after 10 minutes (to my delight) someone braved to give out an answer: "the act of buying and selling of goods and services with profit as the end objective" cool! sir said.. finally someone was courages enough to speak up.. but he wasnt satisfied.. he wanted more.. and we spent almost 45 minutes trying to come up with a clear, definite and precise definition of what business is all about..

in my 4 years in UP, no teacher nor subject attempted to discuss the real meaning of business.. everybody just assumed that we pretty much have an idea of what it really is about since well, it's our major.. but the discussion kanina proved that, we still have not set our bounds on what business really means..

we also had a bit of discussion on career paths.. "where are we going?" "what are we going to do after" college were the questions we tried to answer by going over classified ads..

these things may not seem important.. but they all mattered to me.. for one thing, i gained an insight on who my classmates are.. and who i really am.. cool ne??

hang gulo ko ngayon!!!

i miss my sweetie na kasi eh.. arggghh!! i can't go on like this.. i need a daily dose of his hugs and kisses..

i miss my family na rin back home.. having them around fills me with much love and happiness.. hahay.. *sigh*

hanging out

2005-06-14T13:32:00.000+08:00

finally im done fixing my PC!!! yey!! and at last i learned how to really do it.. with the guidance of course of my sweetie...

i wasnt able to blog yesterday because our LAN connections in the dorm has a security setting and since i reformatted my PC all the internet settings disappeared leaving me internet-less the whole evening yesterday.. waaa!!!

anyway, kwento ko lang.. ry, his brother and me went out yesterday.. yahoo!!! ry wanted to buy an HP printer for his internet shop because the Epson printer consumes too much ink and i needed a headset and a new mouse (the old one keeps on freezing.. prolly broken because i am such a bad owner..) so ayun we went to SM North Cyberzone...

having his brother tag along is sooo much fun.. the kid is simply adorable.. and he looks sooo much like ry.. (ill post pics soon) they both even dress alike and they also move the same way.. hehe..

the things that i notice were these: John adores Ry sooo much (i mean it.. Ry's sooo lovable..), hugs and kisses are a must especially during shopping time for toys, hugs and kisses are the best rewards, the endearment "baby" is both cute and funny, speak in english, do not compete for kuya's attention!!! wakeke..

anyway, after shopping we ate at Chef Donatello's.. typical Itallian restaurant.. but it was all worth it..

i love shopping with the boys.. hehe.. miss them already..

9am visits

2005-06-13T02:11:00.000+08:00

it's been a while since i last posted.. school's been keeping me busy and i have a lot of things going on outside school din that i'd rather not talk about here.. hehe..

by the way, im doing my thesis now with a partner and we're working on education inequality and rural0urban migration things.. im reading a lot of articles and discussion papers regarding the topics i mentioned and so far so good we are going somewhere though i still could not fully understand the mathematical models related to that.. waaa!!!

anyway, im staying at my tita's house for the weekend... and it's all good because im near ry... hehe.. and this morning he visited me.. well to get the CD that i burned for him. they were going to a church near my tita's place and since it's near he decided to drop by... i really thought it was errr.. very romantic of him to kiss me beside the road when i just got out of bed looking like a real mess... hahay.. how i love him..

just another crappy story

2005-06-06T23:50:00.000+08:00

after a month of not blogging, im back!! nyahahahaha!!

anyway, i had fever for 3 days and i couldn't even get out of my bed or do things for myself like eat and drink.. this'll prolly sound scary but they thought dengue or worse malaria.. i qualified for all the symptoms of both diseases minus the rashes and of course staying unconsious.. turns out, i had flu like most of the residents here in my dorm... the whether here in manila is just soooo terrible. you get alternating rain and sun and it's not like i have the healthiest body to cope with it...

so during those moments where i remain in the sweet sanctuary of my bed, Morrie or let's just say Mitch Albom kept me occupied.. i've read the book years ago but it didn't occur to me that it'd hit me this way and leave me racking my brains again trying to find clarity amidst the blur of my so-called life.. for instance, what really does define a meaningful life and is being busy with mundane stuff like ok work or maybe academics wrong?? i'm taking up economics and all the technicalities of the subject will really really bring the busy person in you but does that mean you become empty and meaningless? i thought about that over and over again and i knew that i was prolly missing somethin and indeed i was.. i stumbled upon rhea, my thesis partner and we began to talk about things, trying to rationalize life, acads, socials and all.. and when she was telling me stories about her internship last summer at iBank, she said that it saddens her that only a very few people are motivated to work because of their love for the work... well aside from the monetary rewards that our job gives us (which is the main reason why we invest so much on education) many people love working because of the working environment and not because of their love for the work itself... not that it's bad but i do find solace in knowing that i love what i do and working gives me the satisfaction that nothing else, not even a cool working environment will give... it's just a bonus and advance thankies for that..

(to be continued when im in the mood again.. but ill post this anyhow...)

FMA Character: Winry!

2005-05-24T15:31:00.000+08:00

Who are you in the Hagaren world?
brought to you by Quizilla

On Vacation

2005-05-23T13:58:00.000+08:00

i finally got back to our province!! yey!! and because my brothers destroyed the lone PC we have at home, i wont be blogging for a very long time.. sad noh?? but i dont have any choice eh.. anyway, i will be back as soon as classes start... hehe.. take care everyone!!

nakakaasar lang..

2005-05-14T23:46:00.000+08:00

kanina i wrote an entry dito sa blog ko about language and nationalism.. and i thought that was really good na.. and i think may relevance yung sinabi ko dun.. but oh no! ang server ng LAN namin sa dorm biglang nag-down at the moment na na-click ko yung publish.. at di ko na ma-back.. pakshet talga!! kurakot kasi houseparent namin dito kaya we are not getting our money's worth!! pakshet talaga!! i soooo hate her!! because of her super delayed na report ko!! lang ya!!!

Cosplay Pics

2005-05-12T23:05:00.000+08:00

eto na po yung mga pics nung cosplay.. sorry konti lang kasi wala akong cam nun.. the images are courtesy of kawaii bob-chan and rugarai who took them.. wakeke.. malabo din kasi uhmm siksikan tapos i did not have time to edit them and all.. anyway, just click on the thumbnails for a better view.. thankies!

My Diary

2005-05-10T00:04:00.000+08:00

natutuwa lang talaga ako sa diary ko kaya napagtripan kong ipost.. diba cute naman?? yan yung small window na naka-open.. hehe.. wala lang.. galing nga pala yan sa Penta Diary.. sobrang dali talaga gamitin yan.. tapos dali pang magbrowse through.. hehe.. sana may mahanap pa akong cute stuff.. natutuwa ako sa japanese products.. soo kawaii!!

pls pakibasa po.. sorry if i caused soo much trouble

2005-05-09T23:34:00.000+08:00

akala ko talaga mawawala na si ryan sa buhay ko kahapon. sobrang tagal naming nag-away.. eto lang yata away namin na tumagal ng 3 araw na wala talagang tigil.. sa gabi away, sa umaga magbabati up to the point na it became a viscious cycle.. durog na durog na puso ko and i've hurt him soo much already pero wala talagang mag-giveway...

una sa lahat, may basis kung bakit ako nagalit. at alam nya rin yun at naiintindihan nya naman. pero hindi ako nakikinig sa mga paliwanag nya kaya sobrang lumala tuloy ng lumala.. madami pang taong nadamay.. feeling ko tuloy buhay naming dalawa naging open book na for everyone to browse to and im really as in really sorry kung nakaistorbo pa ako ng mentality ng ibang tao...

secondly, hindi ata pa rin magbabago pagtingin ko sa isang taong involved.. although prepared talaga akong kalimutan.. she stepped on what's supposed to my place at sobrang naiilang nako sa pressence nya.. alam ko hindi dapat pero babae din ako.. and i still trust my instincts.. im sorry kung nasaktan kita.. sinaktan mo rin ako.. kung alam mo lang.. nananahimik kasi kami eh.. why cant u get ur hands off the two of us? at si ry yung naiipit..

ako din may kasalanan.. inaamin ko masyado kong ginawang big deal.. pero kasi nasasaktan nako.. and keeping it will not do us any good. prangka lang ako. kahit kelan hindi ako magprepretend na ok ang lahat kung alam ko naman sa loob loob ko na hindi.. mahirap magkunwari.. mahirap magtago ng nararamdaman..

pero more than ever tapos na toh.. im putting a period to this.. humihingi ako ng tawad sa mga taong nasaktan at naapektuhan.. hindi ko sinasadya.. at sisiguruhin kong hinda na ito mauulit kahit kailan..

lubos ang pasasalamat ko sa mga taong ito: una kay marc, kauna-unahang taong dumamay sakin.. next si ohri, for the concern and for the advice, ang tita mm15 ko na walang-sawang nakikinig sakin at dinadamayan ako... shempre si archangel, lagi kong kakampi sa gulo, saya at lahat na! si lara, for a while i forgot i had a problem.. se lagato for volunteering to kick butts for me.. si ria who always believes in me. and bossing ko at ate kk for getting me into thinking this over..

at lalong-lalo na sa dad ko.. pa, im sooo sorry ur the one who gets hurt pag kami ni ry nag-aaway.. i know how much you love the two of us and im really grateful.. i know ry is din.. and to my mom: thanks for the space.. really..

special plug din to myra my roomate for trying to make sense of it and for the peanut butter.. at shempre thanks din sa College of Law library for giving me the air to breathe.. hahay...

ayoko na maulit toh..

kikayness and other issues

2005-05-07T19:40:00.000+08:00

i have been "criticized" sooo many times online and offline (mostly offline..) for putting up such a "kikay" and "pa-cute" blog.. ewan ko pero stereotype na siguro to some na bright and loud colors are empty and dumb and that dark and gloomy are intellectual.. those who think it's pretty, well thank you very much i am deeply touched and to those who think its empty and and just a bunch of nonsense blabber, this one's for you...

let me start by saying that in the past three years that i've been away from home, siguro it's natural for me to "evolve" and to get to like things that i even prefer not to look at before.. the people who knew me in HS would say and are already saying that i have "changed"... some even told me that i don't speak our language anymore and that i have forgotten where i came from and what i was before... i try not to answer back and leave them to their thoughts but one does have her saturation point and mine has come.. i admit i have gone through a lot of modifications but i have not changed.. i am still the same person who is very fluent in speaking our dialect and who is in fact studying language just so i'd know how to approach the possible extinction of the Surigaonon language because i do recognize how important it is in our growth as a city and with that, as a nation.. i applaud our city Mayor for using our native dialect Surigaonon in delivering his State of the City Address and i recognize his and my father's effort in trying to bring business in the city.. anyway, even if i speak japanese to some of you at times that doesnt mean i have become alien to my own culture.. i am trying to learn the language so please please pardon me.. and oh, about the going back to my roots thing think again! patricia evangelista once said that it's not really a matter of where you are, it is all about choosing to go back.. like the hobbits, i have a destiny to fulfill and i do promise to go back once i have fulfilled that... hindi po ako nagpapakabayani.. this is a personal choice that i have made a long long time ago even before i got into UP, that no matter where life would take me, i will go back to Surigao..

with that said here the reasons why i think i did evolve.. one is that i suddenly find "colorful things" interesting.. but mind you, not all pinky-colorful girls are dumb.. they are just women who see life through a prism and who recognize that life is in fact a rainbow.. that doesnt mean "we" mask all the negative and shut it out.. in fact, we recognize it, seeing that a rainbow will never exist without rain.. i have nothing against being "goth or dark or gloomy.. in fact, i am also a fan of all those things.. hello? you should listen to my music and hear or read my stuff "before" and you'll see a balance between the two contrasting things... second, i have been denied (hehe) or rather i excluded myself from all the wonders of being a girl, fashion, design, womanly trippings, all of those things.. siguro naman it's time that i have a taste of those and dream of being a Paris Hilton someday... third, aint pink lovely? look at how dainty and how loving it is... diba diba???

just because i love two things doesnt mean i dont have a stand.. in fact i do.. i stand on neutral grounds and i have accepted long ago that our world is not a great big melting pot but a salad bowl mized and blended to perfection. trying to force homogeneity is the root of terrorism and we all dont want that..

and lastly, just because i evolved doesn mean i totally changed.. i just choose to express myself this way.. anyway, if you still aren't convinced enough then i am not gonna waste my time trying to explain myself.. but i appreciate that you took time to visit and see how i've been.. ako pa rin po si jais at gaya ng sabi ni kuya jam kasing kikay ko ang blog ko.. maraming salamat po sa appreciation.. because of that, i finally gathered the courage to speak up about this.. hehe..

LOSER ME

2005-05-07T05:07:00.000+08:00

i made soo many mistakes today.. wont be blogging for long.. need to rejuvinate.. masakit.. sobrang masakit.. di ko na ata kilala sarili ko eh.. before i go crazy i have to run away muna.. im soo tired... and hurt.. take care everyone!

Animax Con 2005

2005-05-07T00:42:00.000+08:00

went to the animax con kanina.. really had a great time.. konti nga lang pics.. di pa send ni bob yung iba eh.. well eto po yung pics nung con.. i didnt get the chance to take pics of the cosplay.. pero i know bob has 'em.. hope she'll send it to me aasap.. ganda ng costume nung Chii.. chii in wedding dress!! well eto na po muna yung pics...

Sweet Stuff

2005-05-04T20:15:00.000+08:00

these are the things i dream of buying someday.. hehe.. look at that gorgeous pastel bangle and that cute pouch... the skirt also rocks.. gosh!!! love it.. btw, Paris Hilton is such a doll.. and my roomate agrees.. we both love seeing her model stuff.. hehe.. thanks to Glamour Junkie for the pics!!

The Sites and Sounds of the Banana Republic

2005-05-02T22:37:00.000+08:00

it was refreshing to hang out with my Dad again.. the reason why i haven't been posting is that i went to see him last weekend.. he came here for business and stayed a bit longer than required to bond with me...

we did a lot of talking and eating and talking and more talking.. papa is up to a lot of things these days.. he's been working really hard not only for us but for our city as well.. right now he's working on a project with a certain Captain Dorano that aims to promote the Gaboc Channel (a narrow channel located in the Philippine Deep-the world's second deepest trench next to Marianas) as a site for adventure/extreme water sports and reality TV shows.. the channel doesn't just offer incredible currents and waves but a breathtaking view of the Pacific Ocean and a an incredible mountain trail as well.. i will be posting pictures of the site and the map of it when i have it scanned na..

well i do hope papa and Capt Doarano will succeed in getting investors to develop the site...

and oh, i miss Surigao by the way.. papa told me that my brother bobet can now drive and that my other brother earvin has a good chance of making it to my high school.. i have no doubt.. he'll do great.. and for some reason i miss my HS classmates as well.. it's different when your haning out with the people who speak the smae language that you do. we may have different interests but our mode of expression is the same.. and it's different that way...

and by the way, i bought a book recently.. it's called Ang Alamat ng Gubat by Bob Ong.. and boy did out tummy's hurt! ^__^ this guy really knows how to fuse humor and political issues in a country where everyone claims they're king and where people kill other people just because they're different.. well, read and you might just find yourself laughing and learning..

so that's it.. i have to study for my jap exam tomorrow.. ja ne!!

I'm Belle!!!

2005-04-29T02:36:00.000+08:00

Which Disney Princess are you?

im belle!! wow!!! i wish i were really as pretty as her.. we do have a lot of similarities but the thing is, i dont look like her.. well who does?? aside from mulan and ariel, she's also my fave.. i have a thing for smart and adventurous girls who won't settle for anything less and who believes that life is more than what they actually see... that magic is something you make happen.. hehe..

thanks jaycee of pink-baby.com!!!

2005-04-28T22:57:00.000+08:00

my way of saying thanks to one of the prettiest webmistresses i have seen.. and real talented too... doumo arigatou gozaimasu! btw, first attempt ko toh na magsulat in jap.. hehe... kung may mali po pagpasensyahan nyo na.. i really am just grateful.. hehe... sana magustuhan nyo... kahit di sya ganon ka-pretty...

I am Anime Girl what???

2005-04-28T15:37:00.000+08:00

Adorability!

Find out what anime girl you are.

lost

2005-04-27T01:30:00.000+08:00

i feel weird.. after a year and a half, why does this have to happen? i'm so confused right now and everything surrounding me is suffering just because an unknown and unverified thing is haunting me like crazy.. i never expected this.. never in my wildest dream.. but now it might be here, lurking somewhere waiting for the right time to get to me.. to devour me whole.. and leave me empty...

they say that a dark cloud always has a silver lining.. a balance.. 3rd law of newton.. law of equivalent trade.. but what equals a life lost??? in the anime series full metal alchemist, bringing back the dead to life is downright wrong and dangerous... same line.. how can u bring back a life lost due to an unknown thing?? how in the world can u justify what-have-beens and what-could-have-beens...

my mind right now is lost in a labyrinth of thoughts.. im struggling to find the way out.. but everytime i open a door, a new maze will suddenly present itself and i find myself, stuggling.. lost again... it's endless..

and it all began when an unknow thing started consume, control and take over my life..

kill_99 = biggest loser

2005-04-25T00:33:00.000+08:00

first time kong magalit ng todo sa isang AC member!! as in first time.. sya na yata ang pinaka unreasonable na AC mem na nakilala ko buong buhay kow.. langya! feeling knight in the shining armor bakla naman!! as in baklang bakla!!! di ko na sana papatulan kaso sobrang OA na eh.. at feeling pa importante sya sa AC.. wala naman pakialam sa kanila ang mga tao don. ni wala nga halos nakakakilala.. ang OA noh! KLSP pa... kainis talaga... di na nga marunong sumunod ng rules kala mo kung sino pa. napakasimpleng instruction di makasunod.. tapos nagfeefeeling matalino?? like duh?!? at hello?? as if naman talaga karapat-dapat silang nandun!!! FC kasi eh.. as in FC!!! pagawa-gawa pa ng Fans Club nila dun sa AC.. kung alam ko lang tunay na kulay ng baklitang toh di sana di nako sumuporta.. nakakasuka lang pala.. kadiri to the max!!!! ang kapal talaga ng mukha.. yun na yata pinakawalang-modong lalaking nakilala ko sa buong buhay kow eh... at ang lakas pa ng loob mag-threaten!! as if he holds anything against me noh.. ingat ingat na lang.. near or far i can destroy lives.. im no angel and im not easy.. it's not a threat.. it's reality.. if he gets on my nerves again, he'd wish he was never born... im no saint.. and i do believe that sometimes, forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness... i mean it.. whatta dumbass!!!

Updates

2005-04-22T23:42:00.000+08:00

konnichiwa minna-san!!!

haayy.. it's sooo nice to be back.. things are going quite well now even if it's really hot...

i made a few changes here. as you can see, i changed the layout and added a few contents.. nakagawa na rin ako ng playlist.. yey!! omedettou!! omedettou!! to me!!

by the way, the images that i placed here came from random sources.. as in search sa yahoo then copy and paste.. thanks na lang to them.. at least i uploaded that to my own image host.. and the playlist came from a person sa blogskins.. will write a special thanks to him/her soon.. but not all songs came from that person.. some i had to look for on my own.. ill add songs pa later kaso naghahanap ako ng host.. (paging kuya dj!!) hehe..

so ayun basically yan na muna.. i wish merong jap characters tong keyboard ko so i can write in jap.. hehe.. studying kanji right now.. it sucks!! hirap eh.. but hiragana and katakana i can read and understand now. kaso mejo mabagal pa rin eh..

so yun.. ja ne!

Again Another Quiz

2005-04-04T15:03:00.000+08:00

You scored as The Notebook. You have strong, passionate love like the notebook!

The Notebook

100%

A Cinderella Story

67%

Legally Blonde

58%

Charlies Angels

58%

Mean Girls

58%

What Chick Flick is just like Your Life?
created with QuizFarm.com

After a Long Day of Condom Talk

2005-03-30T16:47:00.000+08:00

chillin! we overate! haha!

Frenzy Gurls

2005-03-30T16:46:00.000+08:00

with denna and tin.. all smiles!

Let's Get Frenzy!

2005-03-30T16:44:00.000+08:00

with the DKT Marketing Group... astig!

Formal Dinner 2005

2005-03-30T16:42:00.000+08:00

with my super friends.. ill post mine and ry's pics later. di ko pa scan.. cute namin noh??

Now here's the most hilarious!

2005-03-06T15:55:00.000+08:00

Your Seduction Style: The Natural

You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen.
Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people.
You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find!
People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

ding-a-ling!!! wakeke.. natawa na lang ako sa results... hehe

Joketime! (but im blushing..)

2005-03-06T15:51:00.000+08:00

what the! well just read the table below.. you get the picture... hehe

You Are 60% Extrovert, 40% Introvert

You are quite outgoing

You are a social connector - you know a ton of people

While you aren't a wild extrovert, you are a great talker

A fantastic storyteller, you keep everyone laughing

Are You An Extrovert or An Introvert?

i am sooo balanced in almost everything! and i answered the quiz honestly.. my goodness!!!

My Brain

2005-03-06T15:45:00.000+08:00

check this out!

You Are 40% Left Brained, 60% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.

Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.

If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.

Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.

Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.

If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.

Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

here's the thing.. im almost a balanced person.. hehe.. imagine i use both sides of my brain almost equally.. but then i tend to use my right brain more.. i kinda had the feeling that i was more right-brained because i love "being creative" most of the time.. and i daydream a lot and i prefer thinking through images than through words.. hehe.. well what do you know!! haha!

Finally

2005-03-05T21:16:00.000+08:00

After almost a week, i finally saw ry. We went out kanina lang and as usual hold-up na naman inabot nya from me.. hehe.. i made him spend again because i aint got money.. im just so glad he's working na.. kidding!

well truth is, we haven't been together for long and it's really refreshing to hang out with him again.. and now, im here missing him again.. he's so easy to miss. he was suppose to lend me his kite CD but then he forgot. well fair enough because i forgot to return the other CDs i borrowed from him.. wish ko lang we'd get to hang out more and longer.. and oh, we watched Million Dollar Baby. though we didn't get to finish the it (ry's late for work.. evening shift), i say it's something worth watching.. haha! that girl from the Next Karate Kid movie was awesome.. i just wish i was a bit like her.. you know tough but gentle.. but im a bum! and really lazy too!

Blog Award

2005-03-05T20:47:00.000+08:00

The University of Blogging

Presents to
Jais

An Honorary
Bachelor of
Comment Spam

Majoring in
Self Portraiture

Signed
Dr. GoQuiz.com

Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com

so this is the award i got for blogging.. lolz!

Another Smart Thing

2005-03-05T15:53:00.000+08:00

What attracts people to you?
brought to you by Quizilla

i always as in always get this answer from all the quizzes i took. how can i be smart when i feel so dumb? geez... weird.. got this from kelly's blog. inggit ako sa kanya kasi SWEET yung sa kanya eh... but i have to say people really do mistake me for a "know-it-all" girl.. i know i sometimes am.. but people really don't see the little girl in me. the gurl who still goes puppy-eyed when someone's sweet to her.. the girl who dreams, who thinks of fantasy lands and all those things.. and they don't see that in reality, i really know nothing.. *sigh*

Working Girl

2005-03-05T03:05:00.000+08:00

i know i haven't updated this for a very long time. truth is, im really really busy going around Makati applying for summer internship programs and attending various job fairs and submitting my resume to anyone interested.. oh yes you got it.. I WILL BE WORKING this summer.. i just hope papa will fully allow me to. i know he wants me to go back home and i do to... but then there are a lot of things going on right now and i cannot let opportunities pass...

anyway, i changed my layout again. i think the previous layouts were just too cluttered so this one's kinda simple. tinamad nako magdrawing so i decided to download from blogskins... and even if a lot of people told me that the past layouts were good, i think they still need more improvements.. but right now i just don't have time to think of new layouts and draw.. and oh yes people, i do make my own layouts and background images. (well, except now) so i really don't appreciate copycats...

aside from job-hunting, i am also currently working in Otakuzine. i do editing work and some other things.. hehe... im just hoping that this will turn out great because we really are putting a lot of hardwork into it and err... basically our heart.. i really am very excited.. too bad i can't reveal more details here.. otherwise i'd kill the excitement. hehe

so i gues yan na muna.. i gotta get back to work.. haaayy.. miss ry and my home... he's been really busy this week.. we rarely see each other these days.. *sigh*

Just an Update

2005-02-21T01:35:00.000+08:00

ive been busy recently with err... school stuffs, the UP Fair (not that i need to) and that secret project i am working on with ry and some of ACs mods.. anyway, if all else will go well (and hope it will) ill be marketing something..

one more thing.. i went to the fair twice.. saw rivermaya (rico with his pink mickey mouse shirt) and parokya ni edgar! they really really rock! but i must say, rivermaya had more effect on me! grabeh!! rico was so sexy and he could carry i mean really carry that darn pink shirt! siguro the reason why i did not really enjoy parokya was because of the silly jologs people in front of us who did nothing but slam dance and create more chaos than i could create in a lifetime.. ill post pics if i find them.. hehe.. sana lang may nakuha kami kay rico.. ry took a video of parokya kasi.. hehe.. astig!

Smile

2005-02-15T01:19:00.000+08:00

this is the sweetest smile i have ever seen.. it could only come from the most gorgeous guy in the planet, my baby.. :) despite the eyebags, he still remains the cutest ne?? and he never fails to make my day whenever he flashes that smile.. i am just soo lucky...

Peace Maker

2005-02-15T01:16:00.000+08:00

the first ever gift i have received online.. aint it a cutie? thanks to pai-chan for learning to do this in the Photoshop for me.. im soooo excited for your new layout.. hehe.. take care! thanks soo much! and oh, great pixel art! way to go.. sorry if i was soo harsh before.. tc!

Reasons

2005-02-11T03:39:00.000+08:00

mejo malungkot ngayon. something happened that i am too ashamed to talk about here. di ko pa kasi tanggap this time so maybe someday when i'd have the courage to talk about it, i will..

pero right now, that certain event made my self-esteem plummet soo low that i don't know if i still would be able to get it back to it's original level. it isn't exactly proper for me to fuss about it pero i think the main cause that we did not succeed was because i took it all to myself and kinda forgot that it was supposed to be a team effort and that the ultimate goal was to have fun and not to win..

sometimes i dont get God.. you pray hard and he refuses to liste. sometimes also, he surprises you with things you thought you did not need.. and sometimes, he frightens you with events you'd think you wont find your way out of but then He's there guiding you.. i have to admit, i really dont understand why i still have to go through al this pain, all this suffering and even all those happiness and pleasure.. i really dont but i do know he has a reason.. in due time i'd understand and when i do, he would give me a new set of things to explore and try to comprehend..

right now, the only choice i have is to wait.. He is after all the greatest in this world and i know that despite that, He is merciful and He loves me..

Copyright

2005-02-10T01:51:00.000+08:00

ok im back.. bati na kami ni ry eh kaya may reason na naman ako para mag-blog.. hehe.. para kay ry tong blog na toh actually.. hehe.. love na love ko talaga yun..

anyway, uhmm hang lungkot kasi as you can see i changed my layout na naman.. :( kasi.. err.. napapagod nako kaka-explain pero someone "kinda" copied the way i designed my site.. i say kinda kasi she made modifications eh.. pero as i went through her blog, i couldn't help seeing myself and my work in it and it had me feeling so agitated and sooo disappointed.. no wonder people "who paid for their sites" fuss over direct-linking and protecting the contents of their sites.. ewan ko lang.. i made all my layouts from scratch.. natuto akong gumamit ng Photoshop, html and javascript for that na dati di ko ma-figure-out.. and when i get images or goodies from other sites, such as those that came from my "loved and adored" sites, i see to it that i follow the rules they have implemented.. and gladly di pako nakalagay sa "hall of shames" nila..

so ayun.. ang kinasama ng loob ko ay ginaya nya na nga, pati resources at terminologies (take note terminologies) ni hindi man lang nagpasalamat sakin.. or pinaalam sakin na gagawin nya pala yun! the nerve diba??

pero tapos na yun.. nag-apologize na sya at for the record, she deleted her blog.. frankly, she didnt have to do that. it was a good layout.. she sould've just credited me and it would be ok.. pero ok na rin.. bahala sya..

so ngayon, i made a copyright thingy sakin and placed a "no-right-click" code in my blog to protect it.. and pls lang sa iba jan na nagbabalak gumawa ng blog/website: be creative! try to explore your imagination and you'll see, it'll be fun.. and wouldn't it be great to have finished something really your own??

kung may law na sana for copyrights.. hahay.. ewan ko na lang..

Off

2005-02-07T23:51:00.000+08:00

due to some EMOTIONAL DIFFICULTIES, i will not be blogging for a certain period of time as i will not be going online so i wont be able to update this.. to those who are willing, oh well keep in touch! take care y'all!

lolz!

2005-02-07T01:15:00.000+08:00

i have an exam tomorrow but im blogging anyway.. hehe..

uhmm i'd be writing a diary entry today.. so this is what happened.. i got hooked on soy sauce because dimple got me into it! lolz! as in sinasabaw ko na sa kanin ang chilli soy sauce and i found it sooo addictive.. lolz again..

went to mass din again with dimple and twas a great mass.. bottom line is: let us all be salt and light to the world.. im looking forward to next week's valentines mass.. hehe.. lolz!

no i badly need to study!! lolz!

this day is full of laughter and of beauty... and as always, i have God to thank for it.. :)

Crossroads

2005-02-01T18:19:00.000+08:00

inaway ko na naman si ryan.. pucha! sa lahat ba naman ng tao na pwede kong awayin yun pang tanging nagmamahal sakin ng buong-buo at tanggap ang lahat ng tungkol sa pagkatao ko. kung hindi ako nagkakamali, isang simple bagay lang naman ang pinagmulan ng pang-aaway ko sa kanya e: ang hindi nya pagsunod sa mga gusto kong mangyari.

ako kasi yung tipong taong todo panic pag nasa pressure situations. gusto ko kaagad na nagagawa at sa paraang gusto ko gawin, ang mga bagay na nais kong mangyari. at gumagawa pa ako ng kunwaring legitimate excuse pag nagkakaganon ako.. either may exam ako, nag-aaral or pagod.. basta ang consistent result non: nagagalit ako kay ry, pinipiga ko ang patience at ang sukdulan ng buong pagkatao nya..

pero iba siya.. instead na mag-crack-up at magretaliate, ry remains the calmest, most patient person when dealing with me. sya yung tipong batuhin mo man ng sandaang bato, ay bibigyan ka pa rin ng tinapay.. the more you get angry to him, the more gentle he becomes with you.. ang lalim na tao kasi nun eh. ako, lahat na yata ng bad sides ng pagiging isang human being nasa akin na. ang common defense ko pa nga pag nagiging bad na ako ay ang cliche na: "im only human.." subalit si ry hindi ganyan.. he always reminds me na wag magsettle at magpatalo sa sarili kong kahinaan. he said that the more na kino-consume ka non, the more daw dapat na dapat kang lumaban and he always tells me na walang ma-a-accomplish na bagay kung sa maling paraan mo ginawa and/or kung may nasasaktan kang tao. sya ang nagpakita sakin kung gano talaga kalalim ang depth ng human heart and that despite everything, love will always and never fail to understand the complexities of life's challenges...

madalas pag nag-aaway kami, kahit ako mismo di ko na maintindihan ang line of reasoning ko against him. pero ry always has the right words to either comfort me or shut me out or plainly debunk me.. he's both tough and gentle. tamang-tama lang timpla.. kaya siguro addicted ako sa kanya.. kaya siguro kahit madalas akong mainis at magalit sa kanya, di ko pa rin maikakaila na hindi ako mabubuhay ng wala sya sa tabi ko..

oo.. siguro ito na yung form of sincere apology ko sa kanya... ewan ko ba kung bakit dito ko pa ginawa.. ang pride ko nga naman.. pero nagsisisi naman talaga ako ng buong puso sa nangyari kanina eh.. hindi ko maipapangako na hindi na yun mauulit pero this time for real, i really really have to grow up...

tama sya eh.. bata pa daw talaga ako (well at least sa pag-iisip), no matter how many times kong i-claim na matanda na ako.. na kaya ko na.. pero hindi.. baduy man pero sabi nga ni britney, eto yung period na in between ako.. not a girl nga daw pero di pa ganap na woman..

at sa totoo lang, im super duper grateful na while im stuck in the middle.. one guy never gets tired of protecting me, of guiding me and of always reminding me that i am and will always be loved.. and that sa paglalakbay na yun hindi ako nag-iisa at never na rin akong mag-iisa.. i love you so much ry...

Dumb and Dumber

2005-01-30T01:34:00.000+08:00

Nabobobo na daw ako.. nakalimutan ko na kung kanino ko narinig yan pero sabi nun kung sinuman yun, wala na daw akong sense.. di ko alam kung ano dapat ko maramdaman dito. kung passive lang ba o kung dapat ba akong magalit. dagdag pa nun, panay ka-cornyhan lang daw alam ko.. lahat ng bagay kulay pink, lahat makulay, lahat masaya... wala daw kwenta yun.. mas matalino daw kasi pakinggan ang gloomy mood, yun bang may hint of sarcasm sa view sa buhay. di daw kasi ako marunong ng ganon eh. panay cliche daw mga sinasabi ko. di naman daw ako ganon dati..

well para sa kanya: sorry ha!! ngayon lang kasi ako sumaya ng ganito eh! pakshet kung kelan naman sumaya yung tao eh noh.. di nga ako kasing talino nyo.. di naman ako malungkot.. i have all the time in the world to daydream, to imagine, to see things for more than what they're worth, to enjoy life and all! di daw ako competitive.. oh well relative naman yan diba? so what kung di nako career-oriented? does that mean i lost my bidding to be competitive? iba na kasi pananaw ko sa buhay e! i raised the stakes and now i feel na i need to compete myself.. yun muna. hinay-hinay lang.. besides, mas masaya ang simple at tahimik na buhay.. and right now i think walang mangyayari sakin kung puro outside myself iniisip ko kung sarili ko di ko maayos-ayos.. iba-iba naman ang mga pinagkukunan natin ng self-fulfillment eh! i mean, respect na lang yan sa kung ano gusto gawin ng tao. wag na sana husgahan pa. bad yan eh! pero im not saying that it's bad to excel academically or career-wise.. basta kanya-kanyang measure yan..

ay basta ewan.. bahala na kayo kung ano gusto nyo isipin.. basta ako masaya.. yun lang yun.. akin na lang ang maging bobo na satisfied and driven to achieving greater heights, kesa sa matalino at competitive na pressured to please other people.. more than pleasing other people ang goal ko ngayon: it's having the time of my life and be pleasing in the eyes of GOD.. i don't care kung ano sabihin ng iba, basta masaya ako at natutuwa si Lord sakin..

teka lang.. bat ba sa salamin ako nakikipag-usap?? ^__~ (you get the picture!)

p.s. btw, di kami mananalo sa tagisan kung bobo ako noh! pero im not saying matalino ako. nyahahaha! good luck pala sa amin sa interdorm.. sana pagpalain.. pa pray naman jan oh.. if ever basahin nyo toh..

Dream of Neverland

2005-01-27T18:40:00.000+08:00

hahay... what a crappy day.. i feel like im decaying both physically and mentally.. i've been alive for less than 2 decades but it seems like im decaying faster than my professor in marketing, which by the way is 65+ years old... ok im not really the type pf person who talks about other people but ill make an exception this time...

of the four classes im taking this sem, my marketing class is a clear standout even if it's scheduled 4 times a week (normal classes are only done twice a week).. i look forward to it everyday despite the fact that it takes up 6 units of my total subject load and despite the really ordinary topic of "making profitable relationships with customers," which according to a book is one of the business' lifeblood.. but that's not my main point here.. the thing is, we really have a good teacher... (just the thought of he handles the class is already cheering me up ^^ ) ...

sir is nothing out of the ordinary.. except that he tells the most hillarious jokes.. corny most of the time but funny nonetheless... he's also really vain, which makes him more funny.. and he tends to make fun of other people and err.. has too much confidence in his singing voice. what makes him standout i guess is his humurous nature.. i mean he's funny without trying to.. i guess that's because he's got a lot of spirit in him that just overflows to the point that it becomes sooo contagious you can't help but smile and sometimes laugh out loud without worrying bout the world around you.. sir is such a kid.. sometimes you'd find him weird beacuse of it, but most of the time you'd like him because he is like that.. (note: most professors in UP claim that they're grownups and no nonsense people who takes care only of matters of consequence and who wouldn't take time to smell the roses) sir's not like that.. he apprecaites the most ordinary of things and makes the most mundane of topics (even economics) really interesting.. and oh, he also denies he's an old man.. haha!!!

ok so why am i saying all this?? i envy sir.. hehe.. he's delaying his inevitable decay while im speeding up mine.. i worry too much and i guess i left the kid in me somewhere else... i take things too seriously and kinda forgot to explore the wonders of this world, to appreciate the little things in life.. i don't take time anymore to smell the air and look at the sky.. geezzzzzzzzzzzz...

im not making sense.. but the thing is, i wish i could be Peter Pan.. and here's the thing behind all things: i guess in some ways sir is like Peter Pan trapped in the body of an old man with a really big belly.. it may seem ridiculous but i tell you, when you see him you'd say im right.. ^^

p.s: BA 304 MTThF 2:30-4:oopm.. see yah!! ^^ open for sit-ins..

Lola's visit..

2005-01-24T23:34:00.000+08:00

this is during lola rebing, eva and lolo boy's visit here... take in the New World Rennaissance Hotel.. the place rocks and almost everyone important was there.. and great food!

saddest birthday

2005-01-21T01:37:00.000+08:00

Ry didnt even bother to call.. that's supposed to be ok because he's working real hard.. pero.. i dont know why i feel bad.. only a few texted.. basta im sad... sige..

Soliloquy

2005-01-18T08:55:00.000+08:00

Ok so I havent really posted something quite sensible in quite sometime but im not blaming myself because nothing has happened this past week that's worth blogging.. and uhmm.. well there were certain "events" but id rather not talk bout them here...

So many changes lately.. My pile of work has doubled in less than two weeks and i haven't done anything bout it. but i swear i would.. i really will... and then there are exams. it's not a big deal actually but then as of this time, those exams will be my life-changing events.. make or break as what maam kraft told me.. truth is, im more scared than challenged as of this point.. just yesterday for example, i studied really hard for that darn test only to forget almost everything because i sooo freaked out.. and after class, all i wanted to do was curl up in my bed and sleep and never wake up.. oooppss!! that sounds death.. hehe.. but who cares, that was what i wanted..

but you know what, i dont think im dumb.. just plain lazy although i dont think that either.. (that was what vanessa kinda implied.. it did not offend me in any way because i think she might have a point) but i do think im disinterested. my marketing class for example.. i look forward to it everyday, knowing that after class my cup will be filled.. hehe.. i wish teachers in econ are more like that.. someone once told me not to worry.. once i see the theories at work daw, id be amazed but i've been there three years and still no theories working.. well maybe i've not seen them, but considering me?? id see anything worth seeing.. so what's wrong?? i dont know either.. maybe.. just maybe.. this thing is not for me.. so why's i fight for it during the enrollment?? i dont know either.. i won the battle... but entered another war, this time with myself... class has become a struggle and winning might have become so elusive im thinking of quitting the war.. but the question now is, is or was it worth it?? i wish i knew..

And then the world turned Pink!

2005-01-14T13:48:00.000+08:00

precisely the reason why my whole world turned pink.. we went to yellowcab that night..

If Life is a Game These Are the Rules

2004-12-30T10:36:00.000+08:00

I get irritated so easily whenever Ry mentions her. Last night was my schedule to call Ry. We only had 6 minutes to say our sweet nothings and out of the blue he mentions her... According to Ry, she was hopeful. Things are going great with her and that somebody. For some strange reason, I got soo angry and threw Ryan one of my infamous tantrums. Good thing it didnt turn out to be one of those ugly fights that always results from our discussion of the lives of people we seldom meet because i get so angry at them... Later that evening, I got into thinking.. why am i soo angry when Ry talks about her status?? and then i remember the book i read in High School.. the "If Life is a Game these are the Rules" book.. According to the book, you only hate someone when you see something in them that you either like or dislike about yourself... and then it hit me! i see myself in her.. it's crazy but it's true... no matter how much i try to deny it even to myself. well, i used to be like her... carefree, silly, "the pursuing side", foolish.. whatever.... she was the me who only cared for having to experience things and not really of the consequences.. on one hand, it feels great to be like that.. on the other, it really takes a long time to get over the hurt... i just hope she'll find her "Ryan" the way i had after being her.. hehe... oh this is silly..

Merry Christmas!!!

2004-12-25T13:09:00.000+08:00

hi y'all!! i really am in no mood for blogging.. things have ben soooo hectic lately and i ran out of things to say.. i dont know if my mind simply went blank or if it got cluttered again that i dont know what to take out.. anyway, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!! enjoy the holidays.. i am having a great time here. dreading the school days up ahead.. geez.. i left a lot of work undone.. and i miss ry.. badly...

hi!!

2004-12-12T20:20:00.000+08:00

la lang.. just dropped by.. i've been very busy this week.. and err.. my computer crashed due to a virus sa LAN ng dorm namin.. next time nako magkukwento.. hehe.. sige aral muna....

BoA

2004-12-02T19:35:00.000+08:00

BoA's winter Album Cover pic...

gorgeous ne? you bet she is.. she's perfect.. hehe..

champs!

2004-12-02T08:35:00.000+08:00

my brother's championship team.. wala lang.. i miss him na kasi.. and i did promise the kids i'd publish this online.. hehe...

ahhhrrrggggg!!!! >_<

2004-12-01T01:30:00.000+08:00

why wont the damn changes take effect?????

perfect match! (surprise) ^^ teehee!

2004-11-29T03:34:00.000+08:00

nice eh??? im just so so proud of my cousin... bdw, this is her in the pic... and since she's a photographer, it has a copyright and i own it! lolz! hope she won't mind.. i love the pic soooo much that i wanted to post it here... nice diba? the hues of blue, black, gray against my oh-so-pink background! perfect match!!

ibyang, 'tis for you! miss yah gurl!

Atsumaru

2004-11-28T17:53:00.000+08:00

AC event.. la lang.. just felt like posting it.. hope they won't mind..

bite!

2004-11-27T15:38:00.000+08:00

here's the evidence that i did bite that darn apple.. this pic's for ryan who claims i did nothing during the game.. duh!

the buddies

2004-11-27T15:36:00.000+08:00

that's me and my best buddy dimple.. aint she a babe?? and oh this was taken during her birthday and we're both in black!

har har!

babies...

2004-11-27T15:35:00.000+08:00

that's my baby.. errr.. actually my first ever inaanak.. he's a very happy kid.. loves smiling for the cam.. hehe..

Virgin Paradise

2004-11-27T02:51:00.000+08:00

note: this travel essay was written in order to analyze the style of Ms. Caroline Hau, editor of an online publication in Singapore (im not really sure)... believe me.. i really tried.. forgive me if it sucked..

Dapa was exactly how I imagined a rural community would look like. The roads were unpaved and dusty. Nipa houses of the same sizes and designs, slightly concealed behind the infinite line of coconut trees that stretched along the road dominated the place. Industrialization and technology has not contaminated the municipality. There were hardly any concrete infrastructures around. The dust that the breeze carried was brownish white lighter than those that comes out of an exhaust pipe. In the morning even if the sun was already high, only the clucking of the hens, the laughter of children playing and the soft humming of the AM radio could be heard.

It was in the summer of 1999 that I first visited the place. Despite its dreary outer shell, Dapa possessed a rare treasure comparable only to that of Boracay, the Bahamas and Fiji. It was one of the islands bestowed with magnificent yet undefiled shorelines. The thick flora (mostly coconut trees and grasses) that surrounded its beaches was a testimony that human activities have yet invaded the place.

It took us only about fifteen minutes to reach the beach. The moment we arrived I immediately sat on the sand to feel the gentle breeze that was blowing from the sea. The place was perfect for daydreaming. The only sounds distinguishable were the laughter of my cousins and the twittering of the birds. Everything else was calm.

I took a walk around and noticed that the white sand I was stepping on was free from any form of impurities unlike the other beach resorts I had been to. After a while, I finally decided to take a bath.

Even if it was a hot summer morning, the coolness of the cornflower blue water still made me shiver. While swimming, I also noticed something different about the seafloor. There wasn’t a single living thing living in there. There was only sand, pure white sand. One of the residents told me that the part of the sea we were in really did not have any sea creature in it for reasons nobody was able to explain yet. She said those sea creatures could only be found in the sea floor of the island across. Nevertheless, it made our swimming more enjoyable. We would never have to wear slippers because there wasn’t any sea urchin or pointed shell that would cut our skin.

The deepness of the water also varied from place to place. One part was deeper than the other. The seafloor was not flat. In fact once viewed from above, it looked like half of the rice terraces submerged in water. The only difference was it was white.

The day went faster than I expected. We didn’t notice that the sky was slowly turning from blue to fiery orange signaling that we finally had to leave.

I sat on the backseat of the car. My dad turned on the engine and we started moving away. As the postcard view slowly disappeared from my sight, I wondered if it would still be the same when I come back.

Boycott

2004-11-27T02:44:00.000+08:00

note: this was my first article ever to be appreciated by my Creative Writing Prof... it aint the best but i gave it my best shot...

I was in the backseat of our car. Tears were silently running down my face as my Dad, who was driving, constantly threw furious looks at me from the rearview mirror while waiting for the traffic light to turn green. My Mom was in the passenger’s seat, unusually silent. She had a faraway gaze but I could feel that she too was angry. They were taking me to my teacher’s house to discuss what happened earlier that day.

Our classroom was strangely quiet that morning when I arrived. All my classmates were in their seats, thinking deeply and their faces, a mixture of exhaustion and worry. One of them came to me and asked if I had finished my research paper. I could only shake my head in reply. It was then that I knew why the class was so silent; our research paper was due for submission the next day.

After a while, one of my classmates rose from his sit and stood in front of all of us. Everybody turned to him, in hope that he might have the answer to our problem. He told us in a shaky voice that we might as well leave the class and finish our research papers at home. Yet, he looked determined and serious. Almost immediately, the class exploded into a commotion. Right at that moment, the flashbacks of the times that our access in the science and computer laboratories was denied came rushing through my mind. We kept on visiting the lab everyday since June, but the in – charge would always say that it was not available. It was either another teacher would be conducting classes or the other students had very important projects to finish.

Everybody was on their feet now, asking each other if they would really boycott that day’s classes. I remained in my seat looking puzzled. I didn’t know what to do. Half of me wanted to leave and half was thinking of the consequences of following the suggestion. Someone suddenly came up behind me to ask if I was leaving. Without hesitation, I nodded though I wasn’t sure if I would. She then went to a crowd of girls and chatted with them for a while. Then wordlessly, they crept out of the room. Before long, one – fourth of the class was already gone.

I was still on my seat when I saw our Physics teacher approaching the room. My other classmates hurriedly picked up their bags and walked past him. I was the only one left when he reached the door. He looked at me as if demanding an explanation. But I turned away from his stare, picked up my bag and left.

I was able to finish my research paper. Minutes later, a classmate called and told me that the administration was planning to sanction the whole fourth year because of the boycott. Suspension was being contemplated. She also said that I was singled out as the one who led the boycott. That night, I told my father what happened, hoping he would be sympathetic to me. But he got angry instead and blamed me for the turn out.

The skidding of the tires of the car brought me out of my reverie. After what seemed like forever, we reached my teacher’s house. Electricity was out that time so it was dark and hot inside. Only a single candlelight was burning in the middle of the room. Three of my classmates were there. One of them started explaining. “We were all confused at that time. Nothing else mattered but the paper. We looked for someone to decide for us and we saw her. She usually had the best decisions. It wasn’t her fault we followed her. It’s just that we really didn’t know what to do.”

Silence. I pondered what my classmate said. My Dad suddenly broke the ice by starting another row of endless talks, pointing out to me where I had gone wrong and how stupid we were. But I found out he didn’t need to. I already knew.

The lights went back. I stood up to explain my side. My Dad stopped talking instantly. Confusion and the lack of a sense of responsibility were the only reasons I could give them. I apologized. My teacher said he understood and accepted my apology.

Amidst all the confusion, one must always learn to go back to the basics…

Splash!

2004-11-26T23:55:00.000+08:00

me and my family taking a dip.. bobet's not there.. he took the pic.. the water's spring water.. and it's flowing so we dont have to wear swimsuits.. hehe.. to my advantage..

formal dinner

2004-11-26T23:10:00.000+08:00

the formal dinner looked like a pre-wedding.. the girls behind us (my barkada in the dorm) were all in blue.. hehe..

perfect guy... ^_^

2004-11-26T22:58:00.000+08:00

ayan! that's my baby.. his model pose for dickies.. perfect!

paradise island??? close!

2004-11-26T22:53:00.000+08:00

the view behind us is splendid ne? and oh that's my baby with me.. the one with the Anime Club shirt.. aint he the cutest? love ko yan! as in!!

Unspoken...

2004-11-26T21:33:00.000+08:00

Ok here goes... I went home just four days ago to visit my grandpa and see him during his last days on earth.. Honestly, when i heard that he was very ill and that he might die soon, I felt no emotion for him... only deep sadness for my dad who stood by him through thick and thin despite everything he's done to everyone around.. we we're never really close.. he would only talk to me when he's got something on his mind.. he never asked me how i was... it was always "what i think" or "what can i say"..

my dad would tell me not to take it personally.. he said dadad thought that i had a mind to match his.. and that i was the only one among his grandchildren that could give a second opinion to whatever he has in his mind.. and then i thought, "yeah right"

last saturday though at exactly 1:30pm my cellphone rang.. when i looked at the caller ID it was my dad.. and for some strange reasons, i knew the news that he wanted to tell me.. no words came out of my mouth.. he didnt say anything also.. he merely cried and i cried with him.. this time the tears were for my grandpa.. i felt nothing but deep sadness upon knowing that finally after a year-long battle with diabetes.. he left us.. he's gone.. my debate partener, my history mentor, my critic.. and for the first time in my life i finally realized that the person i have learned so much from was him.. and despite how he appeared to me, i love him.. and i terribly miss him..

if there's one thing i regret.. it would be that i never really told him that he too was and will always be dear to me..

im sorry dad... i really am..

The 24-Hour Boyfriend

2004-10-27T10:51:00.000+08:00

note: fabrication lang toh.. similarities to real people and real events are merely coincidental.. trip ko lang talaga..

We were couple No.10 in school. He was no.1 because he's lean. I was no.0 because I was round. People would laugh at us when they saw us together but I did not care, he was a trophy boyfriend after all. He was adored by almost everyone in school. He even represented the school in various beauty and modelling competitions (for guys). That's why even if we were already together, I was still overwhelmed at the thought that he picked me.

Our courtship was rather short. We have been friends for almost a year but only a week before I said yes to him did we really start getting intimate or rather romantic. I liked him ever since the first time I laid my eyes on him. He was gorgeous and his every move would fascinate me. I would think about him even in places hostile to romances. I was happy just being around him. But I didn't think he would look at me the way I see him. It just wasn't possible. I knew him too well. He was a playboy, the type of guy who knew girls would practically throw themselves at his feet. And I did, only after a week of convincing me to be his girlfriend. He didn't even tell me he loved me. He just asked me if I wanted him to be my boyfriend and I said yes just like that.

The day after we became a couple, the environment in school seemed to change. People were whispering and snickering behind my back. It was as if I was a walking joke, as if I was bringing something funny with me.

During recess I was delighted to finally see him, the only friendly face I know. But then there was something weird about him. He looked rather sad, nervous, or agitated, im not really sure. However, I could see that he was bothered. Boy those eyes could not lie. And then he told me that he made a very big mistake that week. He said that he and his former girlfriend had patch things up already and that he only courted me because he was lonely. He was still explaining, trying to make me feel better, but I could no longer take it. My mind refused to understand all the explanations he tried to offer. All I could make out was that he was very sorry for what he did. After exactly 24 hours, it was over between us.

I wanted to believe him. I guess after a week I did. But I wasn't aware that the worse part was still ahead. His current girlfriend approached me and told me never to believe anything he would say. Apparently, they broke up again. Everything was a game. He was playing the collect and select game. And the two of us were victims. He just wanted to add more girls in his already long list of girlfriends and it crushed me to find out that I had been once a part of the list.

I never spoke to him since. And because of what happened, I found it hard to trust other people again.

Right now, I do have a boyfriend. He's the perfect guy, everything that I could ever want and need. However, the past still bothers me because deep down I knew I wanted revenge. It was hard to forget what the 24-hour boyfriend did to me. Even though I know I love my current boyfriend now more than ever, a part of me still wanted to break 24-hour boyfriend's jaw for hurting me, for using me.

But I now know that it's useless. And eventually I learned to forgive him, forgive him for everything that he did. I couldn’t blame him. Maybe he has his own reasons. Maybe he too was hurt once and it was just his way of bouncing back. I would never know. I just hope that someday he would realize his mistakes and learn to forgive himself from committing those mistakes. And I too hope that someday also he would find the love that he deserves.

I realized that he will always be a part of my past whether I break his jaw or not. And that trying to erase him from my memory would only hurt me more. He was and would always be one of the factors that made me who I am today.

And because of that, I will always be thankful for the pain, for the experience.

Regrets are useless...