Unspoken...

Ok here goes... I went home just four days ago to visit my grandpa and see him during his last days on earth.. Honestly, when i heard that he was very ill and that he might die soon, I felt no emotion for him... only deep sadness for my dad who stood by him through thick and thin despite everything he's done to everyone around.. we we're never really close.. he would only talk to me when he's got something on his mind.. he never asked me how i was... it was always "what i think" or "what can i say"..

my dad would tell me not to take it personally.. he said dadad thought that i had a mind to match his.. and that i was the only one among his grandchildren that could give a second opinion to whatever he has in his mind.. and then i thought, "yeah right"

last saturday though at exactly 1:30pm my cellphone rang.. when i looked at the caller ID it was my dad.. and for some strange reasons, i knew the news that he wanted to tell me.. no words came out of my mouth.. he didnt say anything also.. he merely cried and i cried with him.. this time the tears were for my grandpa.. i felt nothing but deep sadness upon knowing that finally after a year-long battle with diabetes.. he left us.. he's gone.. my debate partener, my history mentor, my critic.. and for the first time in my life i finally realized that the person i have learned so much from was him.. and despite how he appeared to me, i love him.. and i terribly miss him..

if there's one thing i regret.. it would be that i never really told him that he too was and will always be dear to me..

im sorry dad... i really am..