Soliloquy

Ok so I havent really posted something quite sensible in quite sometime but im not blaming myself because nothing has happened this past week that's worth blogging.. and uhmm.. well there were certain "events" but id rather not talk bout them here...

So many changes lately.. My pile of work has doubled in less than two weeks and i haven't done anything bout it. but i swear i would.. i really will... and then there are exams. it's not a big deal actually but then as of this time, those exams will be my life-changing events.. make or break as what maam kraft told me.. truth is, im more scared than challenged as of this point.. just yesterday for example, i studied really hard for that darn test only to forget almost everything because i sooo freaked out.. and after class, all i wanted to do was curl up in my bed and sleep and never wake up.. oooppss!! that sounds death.. hehe.. but who cares, that was what i wanted..

but you know what, i dont think im dumb.. just plain lazy although i dont think that either.. (that was what vanessa kinda implied.. it did not offend me in any way because i think she might have a point) but i do think im disinterested. my marketing class for example.. i look forward to it everyday, knowing that after class my cup will be filled.. hehe.. i wish teachers in econ are more like that.. someone once told me not to worry.. once i see the theories at work daw, id be amazed but i've been there three years and still no theories working.. well maybe i've not seen them, but considering me?? id see anything worth seeing.. so what's wrong?? i dont know either.. maybe.. just maybe.. this thing is not for me.. so why's i fight for it during the enrollment?? i dont know either.. i won the battle... but entered another war, this time with myself... class has become a struggle and winning might have become so elusive im thinking of quitting the war.. but the question now is, is or was it worth it?? i wish i knew..